Savage believes monogamy is right for many couples. But he believes that our discourse about it, and about sexuality more generally, is dishonest. Some people need more than one partner, he writes, just as some people need flirting, others need to be whipped, others need lovers of both sexes. We can’t help our urges, and we should not lie to our partners about them. In some marriages, talking honestly about our needs will forestall or obviate affairs; in other marriages, the conversation may lead to an affair, but with permission. In both cases, honesty is the best policy.
“I acknowledge the advantages of monogamy,” Savage told me, “when it comes to sexual safety, infections, emotional safety, paternity assurances. But people in monogamous relationships have to be willing to meet me a quarter of the way and acknowledge the drawbacks of monogamy around boredom, despair, lack of variety, sexual death and being taken for granted.”
Let me translate this tidbit.
Savage:" Look, I hate having one partner but I like the idea of marriage, but its too stuffy for me. Can we expand it to allow my lack of self control and issues with fidelity with just one partner?"
Why bother getting married if you want more partners? You can't have both and unfortunately we are on a slippery slope where the normal rules are being bent or broken to accommodate people like Savage who want their behavior to be viewed as normal relationships because he can't want to fuck around his partner.
Its basically the same argument your typical slut-whore who say that hookups are the new normal because going out with a guy is so boring and old fashioned. They as well as Savage don't want to be judged so they push for everyone to see this as normal behavior.
1 comments:
Hi. The odd part apart Dan's argument when he states that monogamy is "boredom, despair, lack of variety, sexual death and being taken for granted” is that he fails to realize that not all monogamous relationships are like that. That's like someone saying all open relationships are filled with wonder, great sex, less drama, are exciting and therefore liberating. It's like he colored those who decide to have one partner as vanilla and constrained. If one has to be liberated through sex by another person (open relationships isn't always about sex, though) then he/she isn't really putting 100% in other factors of their life - building a friendship, honesty, and trust with one partner; having intimate and deep relationships that are non-sexual a.k.a friends; believing and enjoying in ones everyday job; exploring different foods and countries with ones partner etc.
I agree with Dan's viewpoint that people need to define what exactly they want out of a certain relationship and how sex plays into their fulfillment.
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